Easter Holidays

The first week in the holidays was hard being on my own 10 hours trying to keep the 2 boys occupied and trying to cope with my eldest son meltdowns and fears of new places. But this last week has been even harder. Having my husband at home I thought things would be easier but they haven’t been.

It’s been no end of tears, tantrums and meltdowns. Last night I lost it I got to the point of no return. I shouted at him despite knowing he hates it. I couldn’t think of any other way to get through to him. Then I broke down in tears in front of him. I have tried and tried to help him, talk to him and reassure him. 

It took him an hour to eat 5 things on his plate then complained he was hungry. He wanted the iPad but after several meltdowns coming off it in the last few days we said no. That didn’t go down well. I’ve run out of ideas, I need support at home with him because he’s becoming increasingly difficult. I understand he finds things hard but I can’t get through to him to find out what’s causing it. I know he’s missing school, I know he’s missing the routine but I can’t help those things.  He’s always going to have school holidays. I have done all I can. 

I’ve had counselling this week which makes it harder. I’m trying my best to keep up with everything and I’m failing. Everyone is saying how well I’m doing but the meds are doing it for me so it’s all untrue. I want to reduce my dose and start weaning off them. I want to see myself how far I’ve come and if I can go on now with life without them. Then and only then can I say that I’ve done well. 

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Author: always over thinking things

I'm 33 years old,married and I'm a full time mum to 2 boys. My eldest is 6 and the youngest is a year old. My eldest boy is on the autistic spectrum and my youngest is 2 and has a congenital heart defect called tetralogy of fallot. My blog is about my children, about me and my way of dealing with the life I've been given. It's a way of expressing my emotions and feelings through words. This is done anonymously as I want to keep myself away from people who don't know what's happening in my life.

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