Dare i say it? things right now in my life feel good. I’ve made a new friend and feel like I have a really good friendship with her already. I have a couple of friends I have lunch with on a Thursday now and I’m feeling good. I’m enjoying my life. I don’t feel depressed I don’t feel anxious I feel normal. I’m more confident then I’ve felt in a very very long time.
I really hope this is down to me not just the meds. I’m only on 20mg so it’s not a massive dose. I feel like I’m finally moving forward. Without the anxiety dragging me down I’m just enjoying my life. I’m enjoying having new friends and I’m enjoying being me. I didn’t know I could feel like this again. Honestly feel like the person I used to be and if I hadn’t been so stubborn I could have felt like this a year ago.
A year ago and even up to a few months ago I was consumed by depression and anxiety. Consumed by self doubt and guilt , I had zero confidence and i couldn’t see a way out. I didn’t eat I didn’t sleep and I didn’t and couldn’t enjoy life. I couldn’t enjoy being a mum. I’m no longer feeling anxious for counselling or my review with HS on Tuesday. I can’t believe how totally different I feel. This is coming from someone who was dead set against taking anti depressants. It does feel like I’ve cheated a little bit but hopefully in 3-4 months time I’ll have sorted my issues out and I can lower my dose and come off them. I of course need to find ways of coping when I do come off so I don’t slip back into old ways and to remember not to be so hard on myself.
I feel so completely different. I have a circle of friends who now I feel I can be honest with about having depression and anxiety. I’m using my experiences to help my friend B. I’m helping her look for a house, I’m offering her a listening ear, I’m offering her friendship and introduced her to other people and through me she’s made other friends too. I felt compelled to help her like it was meant to be. Fate has told me to help her.
It may sound bizzare but I’m a big believer of fate, karma and the spiritual world. I love crystals and believe all these things combined and having a social life and having people who need me like I needed someone makes me feel better about things.
So for now I’m signing off and hoping that for once you’ll enjoy reading about my positivity as too many previous posts have been negative.