Feeling helpless


It’s only Tuesday but it’s been a tough and testing week for my mental health. Although me and my younger sister were close years ago we kinda drifted apart a little 2 years ago when we both had our youngest children. We recently got a bit closer after the fall out with my eldest sister. She’s gone into hospital to have a hip replacement. She went in last Thursday and we were all worrying as we didn’t hear anything for 9 hours. Finally we got news that she was out of theatre and doing ok but in a lot of pain. Over the weekend they got her out of bed and she took 4 steps. She’s missing her family and she’s missing her boys and I’m missing her too. She found out yesterday that her hip is now dislocated so today they put her under and did the manipulation. It’s worked…. temporarily. Basically they have fucked it up and she has to under go the hip replacement all over again tomorrow.

So that’s part of it…

So on Sunday I get a phone call from my mum telling me to stay calm and not panic. My dad has had a suspected heart attack they took him in an ambulance to one of the nearest hospitals. I get confirmation that it was a heart attack but he’s stable.He was transferred to another hospital miles and miles away from home to have an angiogram and a stent put in. He was suppose to be coming home today but he’s not. He’s got to stay in while they stabilise him on his meds. 

I feel utterly helpless I can’t visit either of them. I can’t do anything to help either of them. There’s so much going on all at once and I don’t know how much more I can handle before I completely fall apart. I have very little support because everyone is so overstretched and health visitor has been off sick for a couple of weeks. I don’t feel like I can keep going to friends because they have troubles of their own. I honestly feel like I’m falling apart at the seams. I’m trying to stay strong but I’m failing. 

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Author: always over thinking things

I'm 33 years old,married and I'm a full time mum to 2 boys. My eldest is 6 and the youngest is a year old. My eldest boy is on the autistic spectrum and my youngest is 2 and has a congenital heart defect called tetralogy of fallot. My blog is about my children, about me and my way of dealing with the life I've been given. It's a way of expressing my emotions and feelings through words. This is done anonymously as I want to keep myself away from people who don't know what's happening in my life.

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