I haven’t got the closest family in the world. Most of the time we barely speak, not via text, no calls, not even on social media. I speak to my mum every so often and check to see if she’s ok that’s it. Going back 6 years ago we were all pretty close. We’d meet in town, I looked after my eldest sisters kids when she did a adult learning course once a week. We went to each other’s houses, met up at my mums like a family would. I don’t honestly know what happened between us all. Maybe we just drifted apart but my youngest sister and I remained close but we aren’t that close now. My eldest sister and I stopped talking about 2 years ago maybe even longer. I got tired of all the shit. I was never included in family meals out, days out I was never spoken to on any level social media phone calls etc.
A year ago in November we made up and started talking again even though she was told months earlier to make peace she never did. I should have learnt my lesson back then as it’s clear she didn’t actually want me to be in her life. The same shit over and over again. So the shit hit the fan last night when none of my sisters have spoken to me via social media so I restricted access to the information I shared. Well the eldest wasn’t happy and started slagging me off. It’s all my fault. My mum for once actually defended me. It’s all petty but I got so upset by it.
They really really upset me and hurt me. I’m no angel but I’m a good person. I would bend over backwards to help anyone. Last year I raised £100 for 2 different charities. At Christmas I donated brand new toys and shower gift sets I’d gone out and bought especially for a charity that helps me out. I did that off my own back for no other reason then to genuinely want to help. So why do I get so much shit back? Why do I deserve to be treated with such ignorance and disrespect?
Last night I worked myself up so much so much pent up emotion from the fall out and the visit before all this kicked off. I was shaking, shivering, I nearly made myself sick from crying and I couldn’t breathe properly. This is what they did to me. But they will never understand how hurtful it is. I keep myself to myself I do nothing wrong to anyone. I phoned V after messsging her and she calmed me down. I was in a proper state. I do love that girl she has this amazing power to say exactly what you need to hear in that moment.
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow but it’s pretty pointless going because I haven’t taken the meds he prescribed me. I might as well have cancelled. Anyway I’ve ranted on enough I must go I have a bubble bath waiting for me.