End of the year 

It’s getting to the end of the year and my mind wanders back over the past 20 months. It’s not how I planned it would go, it’s been very hard for many different reasons. I’m not the person I was 2 years ago but that’s ok because I’m working on becoming a newer version of  whoever I am now. I’m not sure I’ll ever be who I was before too much has happened.

I had a telephone assessment yesterday to get some help from S2C. The person assessing me asked questions about how much anxiety and depression affects my every day life, social life and relationships. I answered honestly and it was kind of brutal. Maybe I’ve been a bit blind to it until yesterday how much I’ve actually struggled. I just see it as getting on with things but I’m not. I had the confidence to turn down a group workshop and online therapy because I didn’t think they would work for me. I have a longer wait but to get the help I need I’m willing to wait. 

I’m not going to do the whole new year new me and all that bullshit because I know too well it’s not gonna happen. If I got my hopes up that I’d be able to make a new start and it didn’t happen I’d only be disappointed. I’m looking forward to getting back to normality, this time of year is hard because I have nothing to do and nowhere to go. I don’t see anyone I normally see not such a bad thing seeing as most of the people I see at groups are morons. It’s my friends and the few people I actually like I miss. 

I miss doing the school run my eldest is playing up rotten because he’s bored and had no routine and no excitement of Christmas to look forward to. I just can’t wait for Thursday to arrive. 

Happy New Year to anyone reading this I hope 2017 brings you everything you want it to. 


Author: always over thinking things

I'm 33 years old,married and I'm a full time mum to 2 boys. My eldest is 6 and the youngest is a year old. My eldest boy is on the autistic spectrum and my youngest is 2 and has a congenital heart defect called tetralogy of fallot. My blog is about my children, about me and my way of dealing with the life I've been given. It's a way of expressing my emotions and feelings through words. This is done anonymously as I want to keep myself away from people who don't know what's happening in my life.

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