It’s getting to the end of the year and my mind wanders back over the past 20 months. It’s not how I planned it would go, it’s been very hard for many different reasons. I’m not the person I was 2 years ago but that’s ok because I’m working on becoming a newer version of whoever I am now. I’m not sure I’ll ever be who I was before too much has happened.
I had a telephone assessment yesterday to get some help from S2C. The person assessing me asked questions about how much anxiety and depression affects my every day life, social life and relationships. I answered honestly and it was kind of brutal. Maybe I’ve been a bit blind to it until yesterday how much I’ve actually struggled. I just see it as getting on with things but I’m not. I had the confidence to turn down a group workshop and online therapy because I didn’t think they would work for me. I have a longer wait but to get the help I need I’m willing to wait.
I’m not going to do the whole new year new me and all that bullshit because I know too well it’s not gonna happen. If I got my hopes up that I’d be able to make a new start and it didn’t happen I’d only be disappointed. I’m looking forward to getting back to normality, this time of year is hard because I have nothing to do and nowhere to go. I don’t see anyone I normally see not such a bad thing seeing as most of the people I see at groups are morons. It’s my friends and the few people I actually like I miss.
I miss doing the school run my eldest is playing up rotten because he’s bored and had no routine and no excitement of Christmas to look forward to. I just can’t wait for Thursday to arrive.
Happy New Year to anyone reading this I hope 2017 brings you everything you want it to.