If I had a half decent support network from my mum and sisters instead if being ignored and pushed out I wouldn’t need to talk to a support worker so much. Not that I’m not grateful she’s there because I’ll br forever grateful to her. She’s saved my life and she’s saved my family. She’s my inspiration. I’d love to in a couple of years time use my experience as needing support to support someone else.
I sit with tears falling down my face wondering why my family ignore me and cast me aside. Wondering why I’m not good enough for them. Why my boys get ignored? Innocent children also get cast aside in favour of my sister. What did they ever do wrong? I’m only good enough when my mum wants her hair colouring or my dad wants Christmas cards writing. None of them have a clue what I’ve gone through in the past, what I’ve been through with my youngest or the daily struggles I face with depression ptsd and anxiety. What did I ever do to deserve being treated the way I get treated by them? Why can’t I have a loving family? Someone to talk to on tough days? Someone to confide in? My mum to understand what I’ve been through, someone to tell me everything will be ok. I don’t have that. I never will.
My sisters are my two closest friends D and V. D being my big sister and V my little sister. These girls are my family. They love me for who I am flaws and all, they love my boys for exactly who they are. They support me, listen to me when I need a sounding board and they are honest with me. V gets me I can tell her anything and this means to world to me. I can ask her anything and she’ll tell me the truth even if it’s not what I want to hear. She gets me because she herself has mental health issues so we can bounce off each other and support each other. Without the support and the few close friends I have I’ve no idea where I’d be. I just know it would be a very dark place.