6 weeks

I’ve been giving this self referral some thought for the steps 2 change and decided I’d give it another chance. If I’m gonna feel better about things I’ve got to. 

There’s a few things bothering me though, as far as my knowledge goes you get 6 weeks so basically I’ve gotta go in on week 1 for an hour and tell them my life story. 15 years of self hate and awful memories to relive with a complete stranger then it gives me 5 more weeks to come to terms with everything And your sent on your way again. 

How is 6 sessions going to make anything ok? How can I go in to this session and open up to a complete stranger when it’s so difficult for me? If I were to write it down easy not a problem I do it daily. I write what I need to get out my head. It kinda helps. I hide behind a fake smile hair done and make up done. But no-one bothers to notice  when I don’t do these things. It’s not because I feel comfortable eviugh to do it it’s because it’s my way of saying I’m not as ok as I look. It’s kind of a sign for help. I tried to call my support worker yesterday but no answer twice. I needed someone yesterday my day went to shit. I needed to talk to someone. Anxiety sky rocketed and I was totally and utterly alone. Then I had to pick up my eldest boy and plaster that fake smile back on and pretend everything was fine. 

I struggled today too but had no-one around me. We had a family day out with HS charity in our county. The coach was an hour late and it was packed full of strangers it wasn’t easy. I felt out if my comfort zone with nothing I could do about it. Last drop in session tomorrow so I’m hoping that once my hubby arrives there I can leave the kids with him and go have a chat with my support worker it’s my last chance for a couple of weeks now then it’s all go again the new year with all these referrals. 

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Author: always over thinking things

I'm 32 years old,married and I'm a full time mum to 2 boys. My eldest is 5 and the youngest is a year old. My eldest boy is on the autistic spectrum and my youngest has a congenital heart defect called tetralogy of fallot. My blog is about my children, about me and my way of dealing with the life I've been given. It's a way of expressing my emotions and feelings through words. This is done anonymously as I want to keep myself away from people who don't know what's happening in my life.

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