Well I didn’t cancel my appointment I went, I explained the best I could how I’d been feeling and the outcome was just to be handed a prescription and sent on my way. I wish I’d have felt less anxious and more courage to say what I wanted instead of being too upset. I told him all the anxiety stemmed from my youngest son heart defect diagnosis. He didn’t care he just sent me on my way. I explained I was concerned about the side effects of taking tablets he didn’t care. Why is it so difficult to get help? Proper help? It’s no wonder so many people still take anti depressants years down the line it’s not because they don’t want to change it’s because they got sent away with pills and no help. So these people have no option but to go along with it. 

I’m disappointed I didn’t get the result I wanted. More disappointed that I couldn’t speak up and tell him I don’t want meds. I’ve been told it’s possibly ptsd. Having a normal healthy pregnancy and having a normal healthy baby seemingly for 2 days then bam ” your baby has a heart defect” life turned upside down. All that excitement turned to fear and anxiety. Not understanding fully what I was being told they should have made sure I understood and I fully caught grasp of the situation. 

I honestly think if it was picked up in pregnancy I would have known what to expect. I would have had time to prepare and tell people he would be born poorly. It’s all just been a massive whirlwind blur. I look at pictures of him as a newborn and tiny baby and I can’t honestly remember those days it’s all one big blur. It’s sad I can’t remember it. I need help to unlock my mind and properly come to terms with it. He will always have a heart defect repaired or not. He will always need to be under the care of a cardiologist even as an adult. It’s not something that ever goes away. People don’t realise this fact. Surgery doesn’t cure a heart defect it repairs it the defect is always there. 


Author: always over thinking things

I'm 33 years old,married and I'm a full time mum to 2 boys. My eldest is 6 and the youngest is a year old. My eldest boy is on the autistic spectrum and my youngest is 2 and has a congenital heart defect called tetralogy of fallot. My blog is about my children, about me and my way of dealing with the life I've been given. It's a way of expressing my emotions and feelings through words. This is done anonymously as I want to keep myself away from people who don't know what's happening in my life.

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