After the support meeting with T from LRC I sent my husband this great long message and I was honest with him. I opened up to how I’d been feeling. I don’t mean to shut him out I just close off. I don’t know how to find the words to tell him what’s going on in my head. I’m afraid of getting no where with it, afraid of what he would say or not say.
This is what I wrote to him and bared my soul:
You know I have support from HS that’s still on going. I’ve been having support meetings with someone from LRC to get help with dealing with things from my past. I’ve been to see her today. I’m also now getting support from this new health visitor again because I’ve not been coping with things that well. I barely sleep, most days I’m not eating a great deal and when I’m in my room on my own I cry most nights. I write a blog, I colour and I write in my book. I keep it all to myself because I’m afraid of telling you how much of a mess I am. I’m not the person you married 3 years ago I’m broken.
His reply surprised me he seemed to take it all on board and think he appreciated that I’d actually been honest with him. One of my biggest faults is keeping things from him and not letting him into parts of my life. He said how he wanted to help in anyway he can, he wants me to talk to him about stuff however big or small. This is a massive breakthrough for us we’ve never been great at communicating with each other. He says everything right everything I needed to hear from him. It makes it more important to me as it makes me feel like I can open up to him more now. He used to make things all about him and never took anything on board but he’s amazed me in his reaction to all of this. I feel like maybe now we are stronger then we were ever before.