I’ve gotta be brief because it’s not something I tend to talk about on here too many people I know have the link to read. This is not common knowledge so I can’t go into detail.
I’ve mentioned in previous posts I avoid places because of anxiety and the reasons behind that particular anxiety haven’t been revealed. Anyway I’d been having a hard time and going to V’s house in an area I avoid has been hard but I’ve been pushing myself to do it.
I’ve had a couple of really good days. Almost felt normal. We went shopping yesterday and I quite confidently bought myself some new clothes. Clothes I wouldn’t normally buy because I don’t generally dress causally but I bought some jumper dresses and causal tops and some jeans. Today feeling confident in my new ripped jeans and plain black jumper I headed to the Christmas market with my husband and children. We’d been there about half an hour, the kids saw the reindeer and saw santa and went on a ride. We headed across to the opposite side of the market and I looked up to see someone I didn’t want to see stood at his stall. I panicked. My mouth went dry and I thought I was going to be sick. He saw me and I knew by his face he recognised me I left I found the stay once I knew he was there I couldn’t stay. I let my eldest go on one more ride but while they were all on the ride the tears fell.
My husband knew something was wrong I went from comfortable and happy and ok to snappy and my mood completely changed. I’ve been tearful all afternoon. I don’t know why I let him bother me, I don’t know why I let my anxiety over this get me down. I was doing ok for a few days I thought I was getting back on track and getting back to normal. Yet again I get pulled back down.