Admitting defeat

I’ve not had the best few days or even the best week to be fair, it’s been really tough facing old demons and fighting the low I’ve been feeling. 

Yesterday’s wasn’t doing too well today I’m not doing well at all. I’ve been fighting back tears pretty much all day. I went to the drop in support centre to take my little one to play and hoped to catch my support worker for a chat. As soon as I got there one of the family support workers handed me a leaflet and told me not to worry about ages of development and just look at what my little one can and can’t do. Well that had me in tears I told her about feeling down about other children who are doing so well and she told me not to let it get to me. Then I cried when a friend asked if I was ok, she reassured that my little one was doing brilliantly. I know he is it’s just I’m finding things hard at the mo. I know how well he’s doing 6 months ago he couldn’t sit from laying down and now he’s almost standing at things unaided. I know that but the depression in me is consuming all the good and only showing me the bad. 

I caught my support worker for a talk and cried more. Properly broke down in flooods of tears. I explained that all the anxiety of last week has made me feel so run down, I’m not sleeping well either which then affects everything else. She’s suggested I make a doctors appointment and if I feel in a few weeks I don’t need it I can cancel it. I’ve made it that’s the easy bit, going to the actual appointment if I do decide to go is the hard bit. It’s admitting defeat. Admitting that I do need help from meds. It’s just not me it’s not who I am. I have nothing against anyone who take any form of medication I just choose not to unless I really have to. I guess it’s come to the point where I am having to consider it being an option. I’m grateful I have the support i have. Without their support I honestly don’t know where I’d be. 


Author: always over thinking things

I'm 33 years old,married and I'm a full time mum to 2 boys. My eldest is 6 and the youngest is a year old. My eldest boy is on the autistic spectrum and my youngest is 2 and has a congenital heart defect called tetralogy of fallot. My blog is about my children, about me and my way of dealing with the life I've been given. It's a way of expressing my emotions and feelings through words. This is done anonymously as I want to keep myself away from people who don't know what's happening in my life.

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