Yesterday’s wasn’t doing too well today I’m not doing well at all. I’ve been fighting back tears pretty much all day. I went to the drop in support centre to take my little one to play and hoped to catch my support worker for a chat. As soon as I got there one of the family support workers handed me a leaflet and told me not to worry about ages of development and just look at what my little one can and can’t do. Well that had me in tears I told her about feeling down about other children who are doing so well and she told me not to let it get to me. Then I cried when a friend asked if I was ok, she reassured that my little one was doing brilliantly. I know he is it’s just I’m finding things hard at the mo. I know how well he’s doing 6 months ago he couldn’t sit from laying down and now he’s almost standing at things unaided. I know that but the depression in me is consuming all the good and only showing me the bad.
I caught my support worker for a talk and cried more. Properly broke down in flooods of tears. I explained that all the anxiety of last week has made me feel so run down, I’m not sleeping well either which then affects everything else. She’s suggested I make a doctors appointment and if I feel in a few weeks I don’t need it I can cancel it. I’ve made it that’s the easy bit, going to the actual appointment if I do decide to go is the hard bit. It’s admitting defeat. Admitting that I do need help from meds. It’s just not me it’s not who I am. I have nothing against anyone who take any form of medication I just choose not to unless I really have to. I guess it’s come to the point where I am having to consider it being an option. I’m grateful I have the support i have. Without their support I honestly don’t know where I’d be.