I mentioned in the last post that I was having other support sessions from a different charity. I had another meeting today and again I’m surprised at how freely I spoke. When I first started seeing this lady I barely spoke. I just cried all the time. I don’t know how she does it but she gets me to open up to her like I would if I were writing my blog. I know it’s part of her training but I also think it’s the actual person you speak to aswell.
I don’t know what I’m getting out of other then the chance to talk about things that are affecting my life. She’s making me see things from a different perspective. I really need to re train my mind and think differently about situations. She’s made me see things that I wouldn’t have seen for myself. I don’t think I realise how much my life has changed over the last 19 months and how badly post natal depression is actually affecting me. I love my sons with every fibre of my being, but it’s been really hard with each of their issues and my own. There was things I said today that I haven’t said to anyone else.
I’m numb, most of the day wanting to cry but not actually being able to but as I write this the tears are falling freely now. It’s as I sit down for the night and think about everything it hits me. Everything I’ve spoken about how honest I’ve been and airing things I’ve kept buried away In fear of judgment. Fear of actually saying these things. I know for the greater good that it’s better for me to open up and air my feelings and it kind of feels like a relief to do it.