Today started off so well, after my suooort meeting yesterday I actually felt ok today. I went to the drop in session for my youngest to go and play and I stayed once it closed to have a chat with my support worker. Still felt ok.

My friend who just moved is also a photographer and this weekend she has some Christmas photo shoots coming up. I was going to be her assistant it was booked at a local community venue. I was ok with that given the reasons why I can’t yet visit new home. 

She’s very kindly booked my two boys in for a shoot on that day only problem is she’s had to change the venue to her home studio. I cried once I read it. I’ve been anxious and panicked and emotional since. I really really want to go and help out and have my boys photographed but i just can’t face going just yet. I’m not handling it very well I’m so emotional and so upset and annoyed with myself. I’m letting one person I shouldn’t rule my life and put it on hold. 

I’m scared I can’t face this but what can I do? I needed more time but I don’t have it. Can I really try and face it tomorrow with help? My support worker offered to walk with me so do I ring her and ask for help? Knowing she might not be able to? Or wondering if I’ll have a panic attack. I hate the feeling that I’m letting her down. I’m letting myself down too I was looking forward to helping out and being all Christmassy. I need help tying to break the pent up anxiety. I’m struggling. 


Author: always over thinking things

I'm 33 years old,married and I'm a full time mum to 2 boys. My eldest is 6 and the youngest is a year old. My eldest boy is on the autistic spectrum and my youngest is 2 and has a congenital heart defect called tetralogy of fallot. My blog is about my children, about me and my way of dealing with the life I've been given. It's a way of expressing my emotions and feelings through words. This is done anonymously as I want to keep myself away from people who don't know what's happening in my life.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s