Today started off so well, after my suooort meeting yesterday I actually felt ok today. I went to the drop in session for my youngest to go and play and I stayed once it closed to have a chat with my support worker. Still felt ok.
My friend who just moved is also a photographer and this weekend she has some Christmas photo shoots coming up. I was going to be her assistant it was booked at a local community venue. I was ok with that given the reasons why I can’t yet visit new home.
She’s very kindly booked my two boys in for a shoot on that day only problem is she’s had to change the venue to her home studio. I cried once I read it. I’ve been anxious and panicked and emotional since. I really really want to go and help out and have my boys photographed but i just can’t face going just yet. I’m not handling it very well I’m so emotional and so upset and annoyed with myself. I’m letting one person I shouldn’t rule my life and put it on hold.
I’m scared I can’t face this but what can I do? I needed more time but I don’t have it. Can I really try and face it tomorrow with help? My support worker offered to walk with me so do I ring her and ask for help? Knowing she might not be able to? Or wondering if I’ll have a panic attack. I hate the feeling that I’m letting her down. I’m letting myself down too I was looking forward to helping out and being all Christmassy. I need help tying to break the pent up anxiety. I’m struggling.