After my long blog post saying how down I was i decided I’d talk things through with my support worker. I said everything I needed to. I didn’t feel any better but in a way it helped that I talked things over and said how bad I felt. She always knows exactly what to say in every situation. She’s wonderful at her job, I don’t feel judged by her like I did at first. I still sometimes think they might judge me but I guess that’s depression making me feel like that.
She understood and said that she understood and she said that I’ve had dips in my mood like this before and always found a way out of it and pick myself up. Somehow this feels different.
I’ve started up support meetings again recently with an outsider charity for a specific thing. That’s bringing me down making me emotional and opening up old wounds again. I’m battling with getting my eldest boys autism diagnosis (more on that later) I’m battling with getting the physio done for my youngest boy and I’m battling with personal issues.
This weekend one of my closest friends V moved house. Something quite ordinary to most. The problem I have is that for reasons i can’t go into. I don’t feel brave enough to visit her house yet it’s to close by to someone from my past. I feel stupid for not being able to face going yet. I will do it eventually I just need time to build up to it. I’ve been offered help to go for the first time and I’m going to think about it before deciding.
Going back to the oldest boy my 5 year old. I had my long awaited appointment with the paediatrician on Thursday. I felt like it was a total waste of time. After messing around with staffing, swapping Drs, one retiring etc.It was a basic meet and greet with a few questions asked. I was expecting more from it. I was disappointed and downhearted. I’ve gotta wait another 3-4 months for another appointment for him to be assessed. More months of uncertainty. More waiting more chasing. It’s frustrating.