Breakdown 

Today was a really really bad day. I’d felt ok but my emotions got the better of me. We’d gone to the family group to play I was looking forward to it because I’d not been for a few weeks because of the course I was doing. My little one just wouldn’t go and play and enjoy himself he just sat and whinged for me so I picked up my stuff got him ready and left. I saw a friend on the way out and I just burst into tears but I still left even after she tried to get me to stay. 

I thought I could slip out quietly with no-one noticing but just as I left I got a call from my support worker leaving a voicemail as I didn’t find my phone on time. I didn’t mean to cause anyone to worry about me I guess it was nice that they cared enough to call. I convinced them I was fine but I guess it wasn’t enough. I didn’t wanna be alone but I thought my reasons for being upset were stupid. 

It was an after effect from yesterday making my emotions run high. I eventually decided I needed to talk so my support worker came to my house. I chatted and told her why I left etc felt stupid but she understood. Luckily.

I’ve felt crap all day extremely low I’ve basically cried all day. It’s been hard. I’m annoyed with myself because this depression I had under control now it’s spiralling again. I don’t want to be a zombie on meds I just want to control it and feel ok. I only let people see the version of me I create. I let the mask slip today and I didn’t like it. The friend who tried to persuade me to stay picked up on the depression straight away. She said she didn’t know and that’s how I want it to be. 

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Author: always over thinking things

I'm 32 years old,married and I'm a full time mum to 2 boys. My eldest is 5 and the youngest is a year old. My eldest boy is on the autistic spectrum and my youngest has a congenital heart defect called tetralogy of fallot. My blog is about my children, about me and my way of dealing with the life I've been given. It's a way of expressing my emotions and feelings through words. This is done anonymously as I want to keep myself away from people who don't know what's happening in my life.

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