I’m actually feeling pretty good about things at the moment. I feel upbeat and positive. I feet under so much pressure with everything. There was therapy, the nursery placement, triple p course and physio for the youngest boy.
Once I decided not to continue with the therapy I felt no pressure, childcare is sorted for the days I do my course aswell so no more worrying about nursery. I’m not saying that not going ahead with therapy is my most brilliant plan but it’s taken the pressure off me, it’s taken the anxiety away and it’s helping no end with how I’m feeling. I feel good I hate saying that becsuse normally something comes along to knock me down again. Family tried and failed on Thursday.
Thursday being my youngest boys heart surgery anniversary. We wrote messages on balloons and let them go. My family apart from my auntie weren’t invited. Not one of them asked about the day Or what I was going to do. They showed no interest. So me and my family of wonderful friends, my auntie and my in laws did it together. I refused to let them get the better of me. I refused to back down and I’m glad they weren’t invited. I’m glad they were pissed off about it because they felt left out like I do all the time. They got a taste of what I’ve felt like all my life. My wonderful friend K sent me a lovely message saying she was sending love to the boys and she was thinking of us. That meant so much to me i nearly cried. I have lovely supportive wonderful friends and I’m so grateful to have them in my life.
I’m on track to getting my life back into order despite what happened on the past. It wasn’t easy to talk about but it was easier then the intense therapy. So instead it’s onwards and upwards with my life. I wanna say that this is all over with and I can go back to the person I was before the depression. I’m hoping that my the time it’s a year since I was told post natal depression I will have got over it. Or it be behind me never to return.