As always I come to this blog to get what’s in my head out. It’s how I deal with things. People don’t have to read it or relate to it if they don’t want to. It’s just my space to say what I want, to write freely and be the real me. Honesty and no fakeness. The only place I feel I can be myself. So I basically come on here tonight just to post an update so in a year or 2 I can look back when I’m better and think “wow that’s how I did it, that’s how I beat anxiety and depression”
Well I can’t believe my youngest is 17 months old and I’ve had to look at nurseries for him already 😞. I had a look round one on Thursday and got a feel for it. The staff were all really nice and as coincidence has it the nursery manager has a daughter with autism and a heart defect. So she has some understanding about it and her daughter has the same cardiologist as my son. Small world. To coincide with my counselling sessions I have him booked in for this coming Friday. I’m so nervous we have a taster session on Wednesday then physio comes.
My counselling was hard on Friday well to be fair I wasn’t expecting it to be easy. I had to start from the beginning again (never easy) and had to go into more details about things I’d rather forget. I’ll be having a therapy called relaxation and release where your brain replicates a deep sleep while your awake to process memories and make you remember things you forgot about. It’s not going to be easy and travelling 20 odd miles by train alone don’t help either. Been given info and told something a friend mentioned to me before. PTSD. Common in cases of trauma of any kind. Add that to my list of things wrong with me.
Hopefully in about 8 weeks time I’ll be feeling better about things and I’ll be able to move on from it all. Hopefully seeing as my post natal depression seems to be under control at the mo I’ll be 100 times better then I was. I just need to work on the anxiety bit. That’s the major downfall at the mo. But again once the therapy is finished i’ll hopefully be feeling good s out things and anxiety will subside. One day I hope that I can share my story but for now it’s a closed book. I’ve worked hard to keep certain aspects of my life private and they will stay that way until i feel ready if I ever will. When I go to groups with my children my issues and my children’s health issues are private. Unless they are close friends of mine or the support workers they don’t know anything.