Break away

****long post alert**** 

Well I’ve been quiet for a few days but it seems what I’ve written has still been pretty popular so thanks for reading.
I’ve just come back from 4 days away with just my boys with my parents in law as my husband had to work we had to leave him at home, we stayed in the village they live in about 40 miles from home. It’s been lovely they are such lovely people and they adore my boys which is something that can’t be said about my family. 

My eldest struggled with being away from home. He settled the last 2 days but the first days were just terrible. He had no end of meltdowns over such little things. He woke up at the crack of dawn two mornings and copied everything he saw. He repeated things he’s heard on the internet which in the last two days he hasn’t said anything. He’s not watched his tablet since Sunday we’ve had no internet access. 

We had a couple of days out which was lovely we met up with my husbands family, his nan, his sister, niece nephew and auntie. They all took so much interest in the kids it made such a nice change. They watched the eldest’s sports day videosand videos of the youngest chatting away. The place we met them was gorgeous a hall with beautiful gardens and a maze and war memorial.  

It was nice to go to places I’ve never been, we were planning on going on a water taxi but the eldest decided he was too scared so we didn’t. I was disappointed I really wanted to go on it. It see,s lately that he scared of everything that never used to bother him and in totalhonesty  it’s hard. It’s frustrating because it ruins the day out you were planning and its holding him back from enjoying things.  

We had a chilled out day on Wednesday and didn’t go anywhere this I also struggle with I’m used to being on the go all the time but they like to relax and not do too much. I ended up going for walk  into the village just for something to do to break up the day and then went for a walk round the fishing lakes the other end of the village. 

Thursday we went into the city, we were panning an open top tour bus trip and walk round the castle walls. But my eldest once again decided he was too scared to walk around the castle walls. Something he did without fear 2 years ago. I notice things like this and how much has changed. Things I never picked up on before. Like up until 2 years ago he would quite happily go on every ride he saw supermarkets, fair ground etc but now he won’t go on them. Won’t even entertain the idea of it. 

In other news that I havent yet mentioned my support worker was sorting us out a volunteer to come and support us at home she has worked with children with autism before and would have been a great help to me and my eldest but sadly she got offered a full time job. So she is no longer able to help us. It sucks really does as I was hoping that she would help me calm the eldest down and give me some advice or tactics to help me deal with him. I cousins cope with him Wednesday morning he woke up stupidly early 2nd day in a row he woke his brother up as we were all in the same room. I just couldn’t deal with him I was tired pissed off and irritated because he woke everyone else up too. I went into the bathroom after my mum in law came in the room and I just brown down I was so tempted to pack our stuff and leave on the earliest possible train, he eventually calmed down but it took its time. 

I felt guilty and useless. I cousins cope with him so I just brown down come on seriously who does that? This is why I need extra support with him. I just hope someone else can come and support us somehow. Not just in the holidays but all the time. Give me a break from it. 

Anyway I’ve ranted long enough I’ve gotta go. 


Author: always over thinking things

I'm 33 years old,married and I'm a full time mum to 2 boys. My eldest is 6 and the youngest is a year old. My eldest boy is on the autistic spectrum and my youngest is 2 and has a congenital heart defect called tetralogy of fallot. My blog is about my children, about me and my way of dealing with the life I've been given. It's a way of expressing my emotions and feelings through words. This is done anonymously as I want to keep myself away from people who don't know what's happening in my life.

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