Jinx 

I hope I don’t jinx myself by saying this but lately things seem to be good. I seem to be in a good place. Dare I say I feel normal. So bloody forgetful but normal, I feel good. 

Both my boys are sleeping well the youngest is sleeping through most nights I think his exercises and the fact my eldest is relatively settled aswell are helping. My eldest has responded well to alarms being set for certain things so he’s settled. No meltdowns for a week which is damn good going. He did amazingly well at sports day, I told him to to try his best. I’d be proud of him if he won or lost. He came 2nd in 2 out of 4 races. His school report was glowing he is expected in all targets except reading in which he’s exceeding. One very proud mum here.

I have counselling next week which will be hard but I’m hoping that I can have a day or two then move on again another step to getting life back. To stop feeling anxious around town. I need to feel strong I need to do this and it’s time so as much as I don’t want to go over things o know it’s for the good. 

Summer holidays also start next week feeling a little anxious but luckily I have a week away at my in laws coming up the second week of hols. That will break up the holidays give me a bit of a break away from my home town. I have trips planned for our family and I’m looking forward to them. With the support I have I think there’s a chance I’ll get through the 6 weeks. I feel like I’m betraying someone but I’ve been allocated a new volunteer support worker. Someone extra to hell through the holidays. Support for me in dealing with meltdowns and someone for my eldest to chat to as she has worked with autistic children before. She’s going to be a big help to us. I hope I can build up the relationship with her like I did J. She was lovely and helped no end. But I don’t think she’s coming back so I had to make the decision to get someone else.

For the first time in a long time I feel more positive then negative I need to work on the negative still but I’m getting there….. Finally. 

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Author: always over thinking things

I'm 32 years old,married and I'm a full time mum to 2 boys. My eldest is 5 and the youngest is a year old. My eldest boy is on the autistic spectrum and my youngest has a congenital heart defect called tetralogy of fallot. My blog is about my children, about me and my way of dealing with the life I've been given. It's a way of expressing my emotions and feelings through words. This is done anonymously as I want to keep myself away from people who don't know what's happening in my life.

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