There has been so much going on lately with different appointments and meetings and other things that it’s just all getting too much. It’s getting harder to handle it and I’m so stressed I’m snapping at the kids, the husband and I’m not very nice to be around.
Tuesday is getting ever closer and in between that I have 1 or 2 meetings with school for my eldest. Anxiety is kicking in big time so much that I’ve not eaten a great deal all day. Half a sandwich that’s it. First time in months I’ve skipped a meal due to not wanting to eat.
Last night me and my husband went out for a meal and I really enjoyed it wasn’t overly anxious but the anxiety was still there. Leaving the kids, what I was wearing, how I looked, other people dressed really causally I was dressed up. I felt kind of out of place.
Think it’s all been too much at once. I need time to get my head in gear and prepare for Tuesday and also meeting my sons teacher for next year. I think it’s been too much for him he’s over stimulated and routine has been different for 2 days and it’s affecting him too. He’s having more meltdowns he’s not eaten much again either. I finally get things settled down and I uproot it again.
I wonder how my kids will remember me when they grow up and think about their childhood. Will they remember any of the good times? The times I’ve made them laugh or smile by dancing around the room with them or the times I’ve wiped their tears when they were sad, upset or scared. Or will they remember the mum that shouted at them when she was stressed or having a bad day? I don’t want to create unhappy memories for my children but I can’t figure a way of dealing with some stuff.