Once again I feel alone and totally cut off I have no-one to talk to about the crap going round in my head. I feel the need to talk but seeing as no-one is around that knows my story if I wanted to talk id have to start from scratch and I’m too terrified to do it. Too ashamed of it all. 

i wish i could tell my story

It’s not helping that my eldest is repeatedly having meltdowns when he’s not getting what he wants. Even though I told him a few hours in advance he wasn’t happy that we had to go to the doctors again today. So that caused major problems with him. He kicked off on one because he wanted my phone to watch you tube I had no internet signal so he couldn’t. Bad mother strikes again. My youngest has a nasty case of tonsillitis he’s understandably been very grumpy this also upset my eldest. The fact he can’t go to a group to play on Friday has also upset him so I can’t win. I’m losing the battle with him this week. I just give up. Nothing I do is good enough so why do I bother? 

I have so much going on over the next few weeks so many appointments I need to be at that I need to be prepared for and I can’t work my head out. 

I feel like I’m failing at everything and I have no energy to fight things. I’m on my own I cry I feel like giving up and letting everything just drown me. I don’t think I have enough in me to fight anymore. The depression is drowning me and I’m struggling to come up for air. 

People ask if I’m ok I just smile and say yes. Today I cried and I asked for help I feel stupid pathetic and weak. 

Why can’t I cope with it? Why am I letting this consume me? Why am I letting it trap me? I don’t know where to turn. I don’t know what to do. I plaster my fake smile on, put my make up on and pretend everything is fine and dandy. 


Author: always over thinking things

I'm 33 years old,married and I'm a full time mum to 2 boys. My eldest is 6 and the youngest is a year old. My eldest boy is on the autistic spectrum and my youngest is 2 and has a congenital heart defect called tetralogy of fallot. My blog is about my children, about me and my way of dealing with the life I've been given. It's a way of expressing my emotions and feelings through words. This is done anonymously as I want to keep myself away from people who don't know what's happening in my life.

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