School holidays

I feel terribly guilty for saying this but I was dreading the school holidays coming up. 2 weeks at home 5 days a week with both my children. I love both my boys but the eldest being (undiagnosed) autistic I knew he would hate the change in routine. I was right the first 2 days he played hell up, he hated being out of routine. Meltdowns over all sorts, snapping at me for seemingly no reason. He had been extremely difficult to please despite me taking him out and making cakes and re decorating his bedroom to how he wanted it. 

I find it hard to cope with an autistic child you need the patience of a saint I don’t have that. Admittedly I lost my temper with him I shouted at him for throwing his tablet on the floor in a meltdown. He hates shouting I know this but I lost my calm and I couldn’t see any other way of getting through to him. Afterwards I sat and cried I felt like the worlds worst mother, but I spent all day bending over backwards to keep him happy but nothing I did seemed to be good enough. 

It came as a massive relief when my friend V told me she had no kids Friday night so I suggested we did something with our friend L. L decided that she didn’t fancy doing anything so me and V decided we’d go to for a night out. This was my first night out in  almost 2 years. I was stressing over what to wear, did I wear what I’d worn all day or change into something dressier? I decided to stay in what I was wearing and shoved some heels on. I had a good night, I throughly enjoyed it. I had a few moments of anxiety but I soon resolved them. I just didn’t realise how exhausted I’d be after a night out. I’m not normally so exhausted after socialising but I was Saturday morning. I got up and carried on doing what I had planned to do. 

First thing in the morning I went in to see my eldest son he snapped at me again. So I thought “oh great here we go again” I didn’t want yet another day of this. Well by the end of the day we actually had a pretty good day with him. So much difference in one day. I can only hope it continues after the weekend when it’s just me and the kids again. It’s such hard work having an autistic child. Some other parents without being through won’t understand it they see it as him being naughty not getting what he wants. He can’t express his emotions so can’t tell me what’s going on and even thought I feel like I should know because I’m his mother I don’t even know what’s going on. 

I’m hoping that this next week flies by even though there’s no support in place due to the bank holiday its ether going to make me or break me. It’s going to still be a difficult few weeks because school are implementing changes. My son doesn’t like change so it’s going to reflect on his behaviour at home and possibly at school. 

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Author: always over thinking things

I'm 32 years old,married and I'm a full time mum to 2 boys. My eldest is 5 and the youngest is a year old. My eldest boy is on the autistic spectrum and my youngest has a congenital heart defect called tetralogy of fallot. My blog is about my children, about me and my way of dealing with the life I've been given. It's a way of expressing my emotions and feelings through words. This is done anonymously as I want to keep myself away from people who don't know what's happening in my life.

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