Do you ever ask yourself the same question over and over? Like why things happen the way they do? I believe everything happens for a reason although sometimes I wish I didn’t because I’ll never know that reason. I know the choices I’ve made have lead to me where I am now,  they lead me to my husband who annoys me more then any other human on this planet but yet I wouldn’t be without him. It’s lead me to having 2 beautiful children each with their own issues but to me they are perfect. I was given this life for a reason. I made those choices and things happened for a reason but I still need to know why. Why did I choose to do make the choices I did? Why do they have a profound affect on my life now not just when it happened. Why didn’t I do things differently?

As always I’m over thinking everything, hopefully soon enough I’ll feel better about my past and concentrate on the present and future instead of looking back. I hate relying on people for help but I have to, I can’t rely on myself. I need these people to push my boundaries and kinda take some decisions out of my hands and help me along the way. If it was down to me without someone pushing me and helping me I’d never get the help I should have had years ago.

I’m gonna have to prove to myself that I still have enough fight in me to overcome my past and move on. It’s haunted me long enough and once I start counselling it’s time to lay that ghost to rest.

In the meantime I need to find me again because I seem to have lost my way a little bit again. I need to find that strength I had last time to not let things overcome my emotions and my mind.

My friends are very supportive I just sometimes wish I could be more open with them. Or be myself around them instead who I feel I need to be.

I have my person, my best friend, my sister the one person in my whole life I can tell everything to. The one person who knows me more then anyone else including my husband. The first person I tell everything to before anyone else. I have another friend I find I’m getting closer to aswell which is nice. It’s rare to find two people who you can be around so much and not get bored of their company. two people who I cannot say a bad word about. I don’t like many people, people annoy me but when I like someone I appreciate the things they do big or small.

D,L,V 💜

Anyway for tonight I’m signing off I just needed to try write to clear these thoughts out my mind I know it’s all waffle but if it’s helps me I don’t care.


Author: always over thinking things

I'm 33 years old,married and I'm a full time mum to 2 boys. My eldest is 6 and the youngest is a year old. My eldest boy is on the autistic spectrum and my youngest is 2 and has a congenital heart defect called tetralogy of fallot. My blog is about my children, about me and my way of dealing with the life I've been given. It's a way of expressing my emotions and feelings through words. This is done anonymously as I want to keep myself away from people who don't know what's happening in my life.

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