I was having a pretty good day but one phone call completely changed that. Of all places I was at school and my phone rang. Basically the place I was referred to for counselling can’t help me it’s not something they deal with because it’s not current and on going. Except it kind of is. Now I don’t know what to do. I feel lost and alone. Even more so then before. I was dreading it but I knew eventually I’d be getting some help at long last now I’m not going to get help at all. There is no-one to talk to about it. Even next week when my support worker comes back from leave how do I approach her?  I’m not sure I feel like I can. I’m not sure what to do anymore. I feel like I get somewhere then I get kicked back down again.

I felt like I was doing ok for a couple of days but I’m back to feeling tearful and down. I’ve kept things to myself for far too long and now I have no-one and nowhere to turn to. I’m not strong enough or brave enough to make the first contact I need someone to do that for me the rest I can try and do with support around me.

I feel really crap, I’m crying a lot and I don’t want to. I wanna talk to someone but who? I’m on my own again and tomorrow everything will be fine again. I’ll be around people and spending my day trying to chase up calls and people. Then bedtime comes I’m on my own and my mind goes to the dark place. The only place I can go to “talk”is my blog pretty sad really isn’t it?


Author: always over thinking things

I'm 33 years old,married and I'm a full time mum to 2 boys. My eldest is 6 and the youngest is a year old. My eldest boy is on the autistic spectrum and my youngest is 2 and has a congenital heart defect called tetralogy of fallot. My blog is about my children, about me and my way of dealing with the life I've been given. It's a way of expressing my emotions and feelings through words. This is done anonymously as I want to keep myself away from people who don't know what's happening in my life.

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