Almost all of my posts have been related to my youngest son his heart defect and how I’ve been feeling. This one is slightly different. This is about my eldest child who is at full time school in reception.
I’ve always known my eldest was a bit different in the way he reacted to certain situations he never liked the sound of the Hoover, my hair dryer freaked him out and he never liked noisy children. When he was in nursery the staff told me he was possibly autistic I still dont really know what Autism is, how it comes about or how you deal with it.
All I know is my son is loving and kind and funny and cheeky but he hates noise, he can’t cope in large groups of people, he doesn’t get other children and prefers the company of adults. When he can’t tell us how he’s feeling he gets very frustrated and has a meltdown this could be over something small but to him it’s affecting him. A meltdown could be crying, getting angry, throwing things or hurting himself somehow. He gets very distressed and sometimes I have to admit it’s frustrating and can be annoying.
The most annoying thing is when I don’t know how to help him, how to stop him having a meltdown or how to calm him down when he’s having a meltdown. Sometimes I find distraction helps him other times he needs to go somewhere and be on his own.
In social situations it’s extremely difficult to help him when you feel people’s eyes burning at you. Looking at you, watching you, judging you. Sometimes they talk behind your back, sometimes they laugh and it’s hard and it’s annoying and frustrating for me as an adult when they do that. So when my son is distressed it’s not him being naughty it’s not him being a little shit or a brat. It’s him not being able to cope with his surroundings so he has to have an outburst. It’s his only way of coping when he gets so frustrated and stressed.
I feel like a bad parent sometimes not knowing how to cope with it by getting stressed out and sometimes I’ve angry when he has these outburst or meltdowns. But to be fair to myself I was in a bad place at first myself.
Now I’m having to re learn how to be a mum to him. How to not make the situation worse. To constantly reassure him that I love him and I will help him however I can. It just means I have to have a different kind of support team around me again aswell as my existing support. I need and want to be the best possible mum I can be to him but I need help to do that for him. I want to learn about autism and I want to learn how to help cope in his surroundings and learn how to help him tell me how he’s feeling. I’ll do whatever i can for him and get all the help I can. Ask the right questions and get the right help so he doesn’t miss out on things he can’t cope with.
If anyone reading this can offer any advice I’d be grateful if you could share thoughts on how to cope. How to help, what works what doesn’t.