My promises to my children

This is coming from me finding out my mum is going on holiday when it’s my youngest boys first birthday. My mum has always favoured my sister and always made me feel like I’m not wanted. My sisters two boys are also favoured over my two. She never offers to help me with them, never has them overnight or spends time alone with them. So growing up feeling left out all the time and even feeling like that now this is my promise to my kids.

I promise my boys to always love them unconditionally, to protect them from harm and to always make them feel special. I’m not a perfect mother and I make mistakes more then I care to admit but I promise my children that i will always be there for them day or night. I’ll be there whenever they need me for whatever reason.

I promise to tell them every single day that I love them and let them know it’s OK to make mistakes. I want them growing up knowing they can tell me anything and they can talk to me about everything. I promise to hold them tight and wipe away their tears when someone breaks their heart for the first time. I will do my very best to the the mum they deserve every day so they grow up feeling loved. They will grow up never feeling like a mistake. Never feeling pushed out or that I love one more then the other because I love them both equally. My boys are the most important thing in my life and nothing and no-one will ever come close. When they have kids of their own I’ll be there every step of the way. I’ll look after their children without notice and do whatever I can to help through good times and bad.

I never want my kids to feel the way I do. Never being able to talk to your mum. My mum not knowing what I’ve been through or going through. She doesn’t know I still get support and that I still talk to people to get help. I’ve lived a very lovely life not having help from my mum and it’s sad because I sometimes wish I had someone else’s mum. My best friends mum was there for me when my mum should have been. My mums friend (now my friend) was there for me when my mum wasn’t. I sit here crying thinking of all the times my mum should have been there but wasn’t. Other people have been filling her role wether they are friends or professionals and they have been the ones listening to me when I had no-one else.

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Author: always over thinking things

I'm 33 years old,married and I'm a full time mum to 2 boys. My eldest is 6 and the youngest is a year old. My eldest boy is on the autistic spectrum and my youngest is 2 and has a congenital heart defect called tetralogy of fallot. My blog is about my children, about me and my way of dealing with the life I've been given. It's a way of expressing my emotions and feelings through words. This is done anonymously as I want to keep myself away from people who don't know what's happening in my life.

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