5 months old

We get through 5 months of weekly and monthly checks with no issues it’s like it’s not real, it’s like he’s not got any issues with his heart. One day changes all of that. The nurse came to check his sats as usual but it’s a mix between the sats probe for tiny babies being too small and the probe for toddlers being too big. She goes to try another machine but the sats are 74% far too low the hospital said no lower then 85%. I start to panic and she tells me it’s gotta be a 999 call to go to hospital I grab as much as I can get expecting to only be in for one night he still seems fine. He wasn’t blue he wasn’t struggling to breathe. By this point I am on the phone to my mum in tears. Full on panic mode.

The ambulance turns up and the nurse has to go through everything and we are taken to our nearest hospital leaving behind my eldest son at home with my other half. Trying to explain what was going on when I didn’t know myself.

We are taken to triage they assess him and then take him to the children’s ward I’m given hope that providing the sats stay stable we can go home the next day. That wasn’t the case they only got worse and it meant we weren’t going home. More panic and more tears. I got no sleep the night before I wanted to be at home with my boys in my own bed.

We were transferred to the specialist hospital about 60 miles way from home and the cardiologist comes to see him and says you’re stopping in and he will be having his operation next week. I broke down and cried in front of everyone I wasn’t ready for this, I couldn’t cope with it and I wasn’t strong enough to help my boy through this. 

The last 5 months had no where near been easy, I struggled every day with the impending operation. I coped alone for 3 months not saying anything to anyone how I really felt. I kept everything inside and it was eating me up. Eventually the outer me cracked and I had to let people in and open up to how I really felt. This was extremely hard to do but it finally meant the load was shared. As much support and help as I got I still couldn’t get my head around what was going on I couldn’t cope I cried so much but it was real his operation would be in a matter of days.

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Author: always over thinking things

I'm 33 years old,married and I'm a full time mum to 2 boys. My eldest is 6 and the youngest is a year old. My eldest boy is on the autistic spectrum and my youngest is 2 and has a congenital heart defect called tetralogy of fallot. My blog is about my children, about me and my way of dealing with the life I've been given. It's a way of expressing my emotions and feelings through words. This is done anonymously as I want to keep myself away from people who don't know what's happening in my life.

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